var Asher = (function() {
  var parents = ["Jason", "Amber"];
  var diaperState = "Clean";
  
  return {
    dob: function() { return new Date("4/22/2011 8:21 AM"); },
    weight: function() { return { lb: 6, oz: 12 }; },
    length: function() { return { in: 20 }; },
    
    cry: function() { $("#cry").css("volume", "loud"); },
    eat: function() { $("#mom").find(); },
    sleep: function() { throw "Hahaha..."; },
    needsDiaper: function() { return (diaperState!="Clean"); }
  }
})();

var Coraline = (function() {
  var parents = ["Jason", "Amber"];
    
  return {
    isBigSister: true,
    bigHelper: true,
    receivingBikeFromLittleBrother: true
  };
})();
        

More photo cuteness!